


Desert Flowers and Cactus Spines

by speccygeekgrrl



Series: Desert Flowers and Cactus Spines [1]
Category: Original Work, Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Bounty Hunters, Cabin Fic, Canon Asexual Character, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Gay Character, Caretaking, Companions, Confessions, Crying, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epistolary, First Kiss, Flirting, Friendship/Love, Gun Violence, Hate Crimes, Herbalism, Hurt/Comfort, I'll Keep All My Feelings Right Here And Then I'll Die, Inspired by Red Dead Redemption, Law Enforcement, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Old Friends, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Snowed In, Trust Issues, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27406681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/pseuds/speccygeekgrrl
Summary: A young herbalist leaves his parents' ranch in the company of an unusual lawman, and finds considerably more adventure than he expected, but not too much of it to handle. The marshal isn't used to having someone willing to watch his back, but the kid proves himself to be trustworthy, not only with his much-maligned hide but with his equally ill-used heart.
Relationships: Adinal Webster/Zalel Loratoris, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Desert Flowers and Cactus Spines [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077476
Comments: 12
Kudos: 10





	1. Loratoris Ranch

**Author's Note:**

> These are characters from my in-progress novel Methodical, which can be found [on Pillowfort with the rest of my original writing](https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/703338). But this story is based very closely on the geography and mechanics of the Red Dead Redemption games, so I am going to post it as original fanfiction. It uses none of the characters or story elements from RDR; I basically just used it as a sandbox.
> 
> If you find these characters endearing, please check out that Pillowfort link, I have _so many_ stories about them.
> 
> There is a soundtrack for this story [here on Spotify.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1H5kRmkVlFrvK2O5z1JqRj?si=AvzB9tJ1Sb-l4svkNqFd1g)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loratoris Ranch is visited by a lawman on a mission to prevent calamity from befalling them as it befell the last place one of their ranch hands worked. Dutiful son Zalel has heard his name before, and accompanying Marshall Adinal Webster to Armadillo to jail the felon sounds like an excellent adventure to him. Adriel and Jerry give their blessing for Zalel to see the world beyond the ranch fences.

Growing up on a ranch meant that Zalel was rarely idle; there was always something for him to be doing, whether that meant actual work or one of his plethora of hobbies it never seemed like he had enough time to do all of. It was one of the hobbies that found him on the other side of the fences circling the ranch, ambling around on the old bay mare looking for flowers in the arroyo that was suddenly vibrant with life after last week's unexpected thunderstorm. He carefully uprooted one of each kind he found and gently placed them into his saddlebag, determined to continue to beautify the small garden his mother had fought to keep lovely since she was a girl and the ranch was only a house and a barn. He heard hoofbeats as he was digging up a red sage plant and identified the source by the plume of dust rising in the rider's wake, breaking the roots in his haste to get ahorse and beat the visitor back to the ranch. 

He managed it, just barely, by urging the old horse into an impolite speed compared to the stranger's easy canter, swinging himself out of the saddle as he hollered for his parents to come meet whoever it was that had deigned to visit their property. He was the only one present when the stranger came through the gates, riding an unusually leggy black stallion with a cornsilk mane, an absolutely beautiful horse that he got stuck on for a long moment before looking up at its rider. "Howdy," he said, tipping his hat back so he could get a better look at the man only to find his face obscured by a blue bandanna and a pair of smoked lenses under the brim of his black hat. 

The rider pulled his bandanna down to reveal a burnt-coffee complexion, a prominent scar running under both eyes, and a friendly smile. "Good afternoon," he said. "I'm lookin’ fer a man, can you tell me if you've seen him?" 

"I ain't seen many people, but I'll surely let you know if I have," Zalel said. 

"His name is Jake Palar." 

"Yes, I've seen him," Zalel said promptly. "We took him on as a ranch hand 'bout a month back. He owe you money or somethin’?" 

"Not exactly," the man said. "He's got some crimes to pay fer, is all." 

"That's... not surprisin’ to hear," Zalel said. "He's some kinda asshole fer sure." 

"He's a bit worse than merely an asshole," the man said. "Don't suppose you could point me in his direction?" 

"Who are you?" Zalel asked, a bit belatedly. 

"My name's Webster. Adinal Webster." 

"Well, Mr Webster, he's out in the pasture right now, but if you'd like to collar him when he comes in fer dinner, we should be ringin’ the bell about two hours hence." Speaking of bells, something about that name rang one in Zalel's head, some bit of gossip that wouldn't rise to the forefront of his mind. 

"You may as well get an honest day’s work out of him before I haul him off," Adinal said cheerfully. "Don't suppose I could get somethin' cool to drink while I wait fer a work-weary felon to fall into my lap, could I?" 

"You surely can," Zalel said. "You can hitch your horse over to the left there an' follow me in." 

"Thank you, that's mighty hospitable of you...?"

"Zalel. Zalel Loratoris."

"Thank you, Zalel." Zalel couldn’t help bouncing on his toes as he waited for Adinal to dismount, near to bursting with the questions that would spill out of him as soon as he opened his mouth if he weren’t careful. The fact that Adinal spent a minute talking to his horse as he hitched it before gently headbutting it and giving it a last pat as he turned gave Zalel a very favorable impression of him from the get-go. “So this is your pa’s place?” Adinal asked as Zalel lead him into the house.

“No sir,” Zalel said. “It’s Ma’s place. Pa just helps her keep it runnin’.”

“You don’t say.” Adinal sounded genuinely surprised to hear it.

“It’ll go to my elder sister next. I don’t mind, I don’t wanna be stuck here my whole life.” Zalel pulled two of the nice cups out of the cabinet, handing Adinal a cool drink of water with a small shrug. “I’d like to see more of the world than this.”

“A man of adventure,” Adinal said, with a smile that reached his oddly pale eyes as he pulled off his smoked glasses and placed them in a case that went straight back into his pocket. “It’s a dangerous world out there, kid. All kinda ill-meanin’ folks all over the place.” 

“So Ma keeps tellin’ me,” Zalel sighed. “You’re after an ill-meanin’ sort right now, an’ I broke my fast next to him this very mornin’. What’re his crimes?”

“He killed six people and burned two buildings at the last place that took him on as a ranch hand,” Adinal said, blinking when Zalel spat out his water in shock. “‘Bout five weeks back. Struck in the night, vanished in the chaos. I’ve been after him with no luck ‘til I heard the name Loratoris two days ago.”

“I could tell there was somethin’ not right with that man. Anyone who kicks an animal that crosses his path is broken inside.” Zalel felt shaken by the news, right fingers tapping rapidly against his thigh as the words processed. “So what are you, a bounty hunter? Why's yer name familiar?"

“I’m a lawman,” Adinal said dryly, flipping the lapel of his coat to reveal a silver star. “U.S. marshal. Lord knows I’m more successful than some of these county sheriffs at takin’ the lawbreaker alive rather than dead.” 

“So you don’t kill people?”

“Now, don’t go puttin’ words in my mouth, I never said that.”

“So you  _ do _ kill people?” Zalel supposed that didn't make him the first person he'd met who'd taken a life after all, now that he'd heard about Palar's true colors, but it was still a startling thing to realize about a man who seemed reasonable enough. 

“Only if they try to kill me first,” Adinal said. “Happens more often than I'd like. I take 'em by surprise when I can. And you'd be amazed at how many people wanna duel me just fer layin' eyes on me without my star showin’."

" _ That's  _ why I know your name," Zalel said. "I'm avid fer news of duels. Study every paper we get fer any word. Usually it only mentions the deceased, but I've seen yer name before."

"Duels are nasty business, kid. Best avoided whenever possible." 

“So I’ve been told…” Zalel shrugged. “I’m a good shot. But not the quickest draw.”

“Yer too young to throw yer life away so carelessly,” Adinal said. 

“I got no plans to throw it away,” Zalel said firmly. “Why’d I wanna duel someone, anyhow? I don’t take offense easily. I hardly notice when someone’s tryin’ to offend me, mostly.” 

“Are you the oblivious type?” Adinal asked, clearly amused when Zalel shrugged. “Can’t afford to be, myself. I miss someone tryin’ to offend me, it’s like to be the end of me.”

“I’m not  _ all _ oblivious,” Zalel protested. “Just… with people, sometimes. With animals, or with nature, I’m on top of things. But people lie, an’ I ain’t good at tellin’ when they do it.”

“Kid, that ain’t a thing people know how to do unless they've got a good reason to learn it.” 

"I suppose that's fair," Zalel said. "I ain't been 'round many people. Family an' farmhands, mostly. Occasional visitors. Not many folk stop here. You're the first who didn't come to work since New Year's."

"I'm workin'," Adinal pointed out dryly. "May not look it now, but I promise you, I'll be hard at it in not long."

"Where's he goin' once you've got him?" 

"Armadillo. He'll spend a night or two in jail 'fore he gets hanged fer his crimes. No leniency likely when a little girl died in the blaze he started." 

Zalel shuddered at the thought of it. There were no children left on Loratoris Ranch now that he was grown, but the idea of someone trying to destroy what his family had built with blood and sweat and tears over the years made him almost angry enough to think that he might be able to kill a man to prevent it from happening. 

Adinal arched a brow at Zalel's visible reaction. "He might not have tried it here," he said, an attempt to mollify the rising temper he could see building. "No harm done to you an' yers."

"He did harm to someone," Zalel spat. 

"True enough. Can't take offense to every wrong done everywhere, kid, or yer liable to end up a bitter old man like me."

"You don't look old to me," Zalel said. 

"Figure of speech," Adinal said dryly. "I've seen enough horrors fer a man twice my age."

"From bein' a lawman?" 

"No," Adinal said, and didn't elaborate. The kitchen door swung open, and Zalel's pa came in with a basket of eggs, brows shooting up to find company had called. 

"Good afternoon," he said, a little stiffly. "I'm Jerry Loratoris. Who're you?"

Adinal stood up, flipped his lapel to show his badge, and offered Jerry a smile. "Hello, Mr Loratoris. I'm Marshal Webster. I'm here to take Jake Palar into custody. Your son told me I'd have an easier time of it if I waited fer the dinner bell."

"My son's got a good head on his shoulders usually," Jerry agreed, shooting Zalel a narrow-eyed look. "Not like him to let a visitor go unannounced."

"I called fer you! You  _ and _ Ma!" Zalel leapt to his own defense. 

"To tell us there's a lawman on our property?" 

"Well, no, I didn't know he was a lawman when I called fer you, I thought he mighta been a bounty hunter."

"And you invited a man you thought was a bounty hunter into our home?" Jerry didn't look impressed. 

Adinal intervened neatly. "Zalel's been mighty hospitable. You've got a good kid here.”

“A good kid who needs to scoot,” Jerry said.

“Pa, come on…”

“Go fetch your mother, Zalel. Shoulda done that already.”

“Yessir,” Zalel sighed, feet dragging as he left the kitchen to figure out where on the property his ma was that she hadn’t heard him calling. It turned out that she was in the stables having a spirited argument with a pregnant mare who whinnied after her when Zalel got her to come along with him. He filled her in as they walked across the ranch.

“You look angry,” Adriel told her son, who shrugged sheepishly. “Would it make you feel better to see it through to justice being carried out?”

“I’ve got no desire to watch a man die,” Zalel protested. She gave him a speaking look when he hesitated. “I’d like to see him to the jail, though,” he admitted.

“That’s fine by me, honeybee. You’ve been so restless, it’ll be good for you to get out for a while. You said they were going to Armadillo? That’s not too far. If you don’t want to stay for the hanging, you can come home tomorrow.”

“Yes’m,” he said, and held the door open for her as they came into the farmhouse. Jerry and Adinal both looked over as they came into the kitchen, and Jerry got the same dopey smile he always got when he looked at his wife. Adinal stood and offered his hand. 

“Miz Loratoris, I’m Marshal Adinal Webster. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Call me Adriel,” she said, and motioned him to sit again. “I hear you’ve come to collect a villain from my employment. I always felt like there was something not right about that man.”

“That’s what your son said,” Adinal said, glancing at Zalel as he took a seat at the table as well. “Seems like you’ve got good instincts runnin’ in your family.”

“That’s interesting of you to say,” Adriel said, also looking at her son, who took after her in nearly every way except in appearance. “Tell me, Marshal, what were his crimes?"

"Murder and mayhem," Adinal said. "Burnt two buildings at the last ranch he worked at, killed six people and four horses in the blaze, then made off in the confusion. I've been trackin' him fer weeks."

"That's horrifying," Adriel said, casting a nervous look out the window in the direction of the fields Palar was working in now. “What’ll be done with him?”

“I’ll have him in jail tonight, he’ll likely be hanged in a day or two.”

“Good riddance,” Jerry said, voice hard. “Make sure he never hurts anyone again.”

“That’s the intent,” Adinal agreed. “That’s the whole intent of my career. Makin’ sure those who do harm can’t continue doin’ so.”

“Maybe I should become a lawman,” Zalel said thoughtfully. “Sounds like somethin’ I’d like to do.”

“Careful what you wish fer, kid,” Adinal said, and fussed absently with the bandanna around his neck. “It’s a hard life. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone who could do better’n that fer themselves.”

“It wouldn’t suit your temperament, honeybee,” Adriel said, brushing a hand down her son’s back as she moved to the sink to wash her hands. “Well, Marshal, are you hungry? If you’ll be interrupting dinner to make an arrest, the least I can do for you sparing my ranch a tragedy is feed you before the action starts.”

“That’s mighty kind of you, ma’am. I’d appreciate it greatly.”

Zalel managed to restrain himself for almost two entire minutes before he leaned across the table and asked, “Can I help you take him in?”

“Sure, you can signal me when he comes in and I’ll collar him.”

“No, I mean… take him all the way in. Back to Armadillo. I won’t trouble you, an' I'll be better company than a murderer with a gag stoppin’ up his foul mouth."

“It ain’t safe transportin’ criminals, kid… we’re liable to be shot at. Don't want you goin' to pieces first time someone aims a gun atcha." 

"I'm not of a nervous disposition," Zalel protested. 

Adriel set a plate down in front of Adinal, and he offered her a smile. “What do you think, Miz Loratoris? I’m loathe to put your child in harm’s way.”

“He’s old enough to decide what risks he wants to take,” Adriel said, and glanced at her son with half a smile. “And he is awful restless.”

"Even if we do get shot at… I'm a crack shot. I could be of use on the way. Can’t hurt to have backup, right?" Zalel had the distinct look of a begging hound puppy as he made his case.

Adinal relented with a laugh. "All right, you wanna come along that bad, just be aware I ain't deliverin' you back to your parents. You'll hafta see yer own way back." 

"Fine by me," Zalel said, grinning widely. "Thanks. We may only be fenced in here but they feel like walls more days than not."

“Walls ain’t such a bad thing to have from time to time,” Adinal said, and shook his head. “If you’re comin’ along, you should have a bite too,” he advised, and tucked into his meal.

“Yessir,” Zalel chirped, and looked up at his mother when she deposited his dinner in front of him right then.

“You don’t think I’d let you go off hungry,” Adriel said, and tapped her knuckles gently on the crown of Zalel’s head. “You’ve even got enough time to pack a bag before we ring the dinner bell, if you don’t dilly-dally.”

“I don’t  _ dilly-dally _ ,” Zalel said, sounding offended.

“You both dilly and dally,” Jerry said, “daily.”

“ _ Pa _ …”

Adinal ducked his head to hide his laughter. It wasn’t often he was witness to playful teasing; most of what he heard was more pointed taunting. The Loratorises seemed like a happy family. He was glad to have made it there before calamity befell them as well. He couldn’t pretend he was averse to having Zalel’s company back to Armadillo either; there was nothing as nerve-wracking as remitting a bounty through the sketchy territory they’d have to take to reach the town by nightfall, with no one but the bounty to watch his back, and them hoping he’d be shot in it. 

Zalel didn’t defy the hound puppy comparison as he wolfed down his meal and then ran off to go get his things together. Adriel occupied his seat and steepled her hands, studying Adinal with an evaluative eye that made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. “You won’t escort him back?” she finally said.

“Havin’ an escort home at that age does nothin’ but wound pride,” Adinal said. “Main road back from Armadillo’s safe enough. We just can’t take it on the way there.”

“Pride,” Adriel said thoughtfully, and shook her head. “Rather have his pride wounded than  _ him _ wounded.”

“If he asks me to bring him back, I will,” Adinal offered, “I surely won’t leave him by himself if he requests my accompaniment. But I won’t take the choice from him. Will that suit you?”

“It’ll have to do,” she said. “He’s the only son I’ve got… I worry about him.”

“That’s what good mothers do about their sons,” Adinal said, trying to keep the wistfulness out of his voice. “I’ll do my utmost not to let him come to harm, ma’am.”

“Thank you,” Adriel said. “When he comes back down, we’ll ring the dinner bell, get them all coming in for you to get the bad apple out of the bunch. You can head off directly.”

When Zalel bounded back down the stairs with a pack over his shoulder, Adriel took it from him and reached up to brush his hair back from his forehead. “I’ll saddle Wraith for you. Maybe in town you can see a barber.”

“If I have time,” Zalel said, nose wrinkling at her fussing.

“You don’t have to hurry back, honeybee. You can come home when you’ve done a few things. Just be safe.”

“Yes’m!” 

“Jerry… give him the Schofield.”

“You think…?” Jerry trailed off at the sharp look his wife fixed on him, thinking better of the question he’d been about to pose. “Yes, dear.” He went to fetch the gun.

“You be careful,” Adriel said, tugging at the front of Zalel’s shirt. “Keep your eyes open. Think before you speak.”

“Ma…”

“Wait until I’m in the barn before you ring the bell,” she said, slinging his pack over her shoulder. She paused in the doorway to add, “Marshal… take care.”

“Yes, ma’am.” It was abundantly clear now why Zalel had said it was his mother’s farm. 

Jerry came back with a gun that looked like it had a story attached and handed it to his son. He glanced over at Adinal before he said, “You ride with a… a lawman, you pay attention, hear? Plenty of folk don’t respect the law. You be alert.” Adinal arched a brow, wondering what word he’d meant to use, and what warning he was really giving.

“Yessir.” Zalel couldn’t hide his awe as he fixed the holster to his belt and put his hand on the gun. “You think I’ll need this?”

“Best you have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Adinal agreed. “You ready to be on our way?”

“I am,” Zalel said, and reached outside to ring the dinner bell, standing by the window watching as the ranch hands trailed in from the fields, barely blinking, until Palar walked in and he nodded. Next to the doorway, Adinal clocked Palar in the back of his head with the butt of his gun and nodded back at Zalel as Palar went to the floor like his bones had been removed. The other hands all startled and half of them shouted before Jerry stepped forward, clapping his hands to get their attention.

“Gentlemen, please… it seems we’ve had a felon in our midst. The Marshal here is remanding him to justice. The danger’s over.”

“Nothing to worry about now,” Adinal said briskly, cuffing Palar’s wrists. “We’ll be out of your hair right quick.” Nobody but him noticed Zalel bouncing on his toes with excitement as Adinal hauled the criminal over his shoulder and out of the house.


	2. Pike's Basin and Armadillo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zalel is by far the most unusual companion Adinal's ever traveled with: talkative, prone to stopping to pick flowers, and, absolutely unexpectedly, a dead shot. By the time they remit the felon to jail, Adinal owes Zalel his life and then some, and he's determined to make good on the debt.

It wasn’t long before they set out through the gates of Loratoris Ranch, headed west with the sun in their eyes and one tied-up, gagged felon slung over the rear of Adinal’s horse. Adinal put his smoked glasses back on and pulled the brim of his hat low, but Zalel didn’t mind the sun much as long as he didn’t look into it, and he kept his eyes to the sides of the road as a matter of course, always alert to any splash of color that would notify him of the presence of an interesting plant.

They’d only been riding about twenty minutes before Zalel guided Wraith off the road and swung out of the saddle, having located a prolific patch of hummingbird sage with its delicate dark pink flowers. 

The lack of hoofbeats registered after a few dozen yards. “What on earth are you doin’, kid?” Adinal hollered as he wheeled Goliath around.

“These herbs are rare,” Zalel said, not looking up from the bush he was plucking at. “An’ awful useful.”

“You stopped to  _ pick flowers _ ?” 

“Don't wait fer me next time. I can always catch up to you. Wraith’s fast enough an’ so’m I.” 

Palar tried to growl something through his gag, and Adinal casually elbowed him, shaking his head. “If you say so,” he said, but didn’t move along until Zalel was back ahorse. “You gonna be doin’ this often?”

“Prob’ly,” Zalel said. “I’m of a collector’s mindset. Never know what herb might save a man’s life, may’s well grab all’v’em.”

“Fair ‘nough,” Adinal said. ‘Which one was that?”

“Hummingbird sage,” Zalel said. “Blossoms are useful for treatin’ wounds. Works best mixed with honey locust, but that ain’t hardly found ‘round these parts ‘cept by riverbeds.”

"Well, I'm sure if there's any to be found, you'll scare it up," Adinal said, earning himself a wide smile from Zalel. “Best we don’t need it, but better we have it should we need it.”

“That’s my view,” Zalel agreed. “Don't worry 'bout me when I stop. You won't disappear from the road, I'll catch up."

"Sure thing, kid."

Zalel stopped twice more, but those times Adinal didn't pause, and after a minute or two of going on alone the racing beat of Wraith's hooves caught up and Zalel chattered affably about what he'd found and what its uses were. Adinal wasn't used to having such talkative company, but he couldn't say that he was put off by the kid's brassy voice and matter-of-fact observations about the things they passed on the way. From the way Zalel rambled, Adinal wasn’t sure whether anyone paid him any mind at all when he was home. He certainly had a lot to say, and by the time they came to a place where they had to keep quiet, Adinal had decided that he’d be all right with it if Zalel started talking again as soon as silence wasn’t a necessity.

“Keep yer eyes open through here,” Adinal warned Zalel as they came to the mouth of Pike’s Basin. “There’s often gangsters ‘round these parts. No stoppin’ fer anythin’ while we’re down here, all right? Not even rare plants. We wanna get through fast as we can ‘til we’ve got clear sightlines all ‘round us again.”

“All right,” Zalel agreed easily, head tilting back as he looked up at the high walls of red rock surrounding them as they headed in. There were plenty of spots that looked like ambush points, but if this was how they were going, Adinal had to have a good reason for it. Zalel hadn’t been to Armadillo but in a wagon with his pa, and this was certainly no way to go with a wagon. It had to be a much faster route, if Adinal was willing to risk taking a fugitive through a dangerous area like this.

For a few minutes it was peaceful, nothing but the echoes of their horses’ hooves pounding the dirt, not even conversation to break the relative quiet. The twang of a gunshot and the crack of a boulder as a bullet embedded into it startled Zalel almost out of his saddle, and he reached for the revolver on his hip instinctively. 

“No-good gang trash,” Adinal spat. “Look high, kid.” He put on a burst of speed as the next bullet hit a little too close for comfort. Zalel had caught the flash as that last shot was fired and aimed up at the culprit, half-visible behind a large rock on a ledge about a third of the way up the canyon wall.

Zalel was used to firing a gun in a wide open space, hunting on the plains or practicing his sharpshooting out behind the barn; he hadn't expected the way the sound would amplify and rebound in the canyon, echoing noise assaulting his ears violently and making him cry out in pain, but his shot was true, resulting in the body of their assailant tumbling off the ledge and down to the canyon floor as they blew past him. 

“Nice one!” Adinal called, but Zalel could barely hear him over the ringing of his ears. The bullets didn’t stop flying in their direction, and Zalel braced himself as best he could before shooting back, rarely spending more than two bullets on any of the bandanna-masked, pink-shirted goons before they stopped shooting for good. Adinal’s aim wasn’t quite so good with his attention partially divided to making sure Palar didn’t fall off the hind end of his horse as they galloped though the basin, and it got much, much worse when one of those bullets aimed at them found its way into his shoulder. “God _ damn _ !” That certainly made it through Zalel’s tinnitus clearly. Zalel felt his heart leap into his throat when Adinal swayed in the saddle before seizing his reins in the other hand and spurring Goliath to his top speed.

At the end of the basin, Zalel could see the path that would lead them to the top of the canyon, and he could see the men standing between himself and Adinal and their safe egress. He took one deep breath as he reloaded his pistol and let himself focus the way he did when he and his Pa went shooting the crows that pestered their silo, that detached sense of calm that overtook him when there was nothing coming between his determination to protect what was his to tend and his willingness to eliminate whatever might threaten it. 

He fired five shots, and five men tumbled to the ground, leaving no barrier between himself and Adinal and those clear sightlines Adinal had mentioned.

Once they made it to the top and rejoined the road, Adinal pulled Goliath off into a patch of scrub grass beside the beaten dirt, reeling in the saddle. “I’m hit,” he said, pain clear in his voice despite his brevity, blood already soaking through his black shirt. 

“Well, lemme have a look at it,” Zalel said. Palar made a few disgruntled sounds through his gag as Adinal dismounted, and got himself a rap on the skull for it. Zalel slid out of his saddle and rummaged through his saddlebags for a moment, finding a couple of herbs he’d newly picked and a couple of herbs he carried just in case he got hurt, as well as the small mortar and pestle he carried in his kit and his spare canteen, grinding the herbs up with a little water as he came closer to Adinal. 

“Hurts like a bitch,” Adinal complained, undoing the buttons of his shirt one-handed to pull it aside and reveal a sluggishly bleeding bullet hole under his collarbone. 

“I hear that’s a common symptom of bein’ shot,” Zalel said dryly, coming over to peer down at Adinal’s injury. “Don’t look like it went too deep. Gotta get the bullet out, though.”

“I know,” Adinal said miserably. “Small mercies, at least you can pry it outta me, I’d only hurt myself worse if I had to do it.”

“Here, take this,” Zalel said, and handed Adinal a gnarled but well-scrubbed root. “Bite down on that when I’m gettin’ it out.”

“Believe you me, it takes more’n that to make me scream,” Adinal said, but he took it anyways, clamping his teeth around it and only making a small sound of distress when Zalel pulled out his belt knife and used the tip of it to dig out the bullet.

“There we go,” Zalel said as the bullet popped free and the blood streamed down Adinal’s chest, thick and crimson against his sepia skin. “No problem, right? Easy peasy.”

"Yer somethin' else, kid," Adinal wheezed as he spat out the root, which had almost distracted him from his pain with its spicy taste. "Never had such a cute doctor in my life." 

"I'm not a doctor," Zalel said, dabbing the mixture of herbs on Adinal's wound with a clean handkerchief and wiping off the blood with the corner of it. "An' I'm not cute. An' I'm not a kid." 

"Pardon me," Adinal said, smiling through the pain. "I ain't used to bein' tended to. I'm a tad bit punch-drunk at the moment." 

"Didn't know  _ punch-drunk _ was a symptom of bein' shot," Zalel said, brows arching. “Here, hold this tight… Not sure if this needs stitchin’ or just coverin’.” 

"I'll be fine," Adinal said, pressing the cloth to his injury as firmly as he could without making himself tear up. "Ain't the first time I've been shot, doubt it'll be the last."

"That's grim," Zalel said, rummaging through his kit to find needle and thread, then lifting the handkerchief to peer at the wound once the bleeding had slowed a bit. "I'm gonna stitch it," he announced. "Unless you object."

"Have at me," Adinal said, voice wavering slightly. Zalel threaded his needle efficiently and snipped the thread with his teeth, and it was the matter of a minute for him to suture Adinal’s injury and stop the bleeding completely. “You’re awful good at that,” Adinal said a little faintly, earning himself a startled smile from Zalel. 

“I learned from my Ma,” Zalel said. “She’s not always ‘round at home, an’ folk get hurt whether she’s home or not. I been tendin’ the injured since I was thirteen.” 

“Well, I’m grateful fer yer skills bein’ used on me,” Adinal said. Zalel used the cleaner end of the handkerchief to wipe the blood from Adinal’s chest, only belatedly realizing how many scars marked the man’s skin that he could see now. Adinal had previously been completely covered from his neck down; with his shirt open like this, there were a frightening variety of past wounds visible, from a scar around his throat that looked an awful lot like rope burns to slashes that couldn’t be anything but whip lashes wrapping around his ribs, and a scattering of old bullet marks and knife scars across his chest. 

Zalel bit his lip, glancing up to find trepidation in Adinal’s grey eyes, and made the decision not to ask about them even though his curiosity was flaring like a bonfire. “I’m afraid my clothes stitchin’ ain’t as neat as my flesh stitchin’,” he quipped instead. “Can’t save yer bloodstained shirt.”

“You saved my bloodstained hide,” Adinal said. “Shirts ain’t pricey. I got plenty of ‘em in Armadillo. Only one life, though, an’ you preserved it today. Thank you, Zalel.”

“Yer welcome,” Zalel said, a pleased flush heating his cheeks. “C’mon, we’d best be on our way before this’un gets more fussy,” he added, jerking a thumb at Palar, who was trying to wriggle his way off an uncooperative Goliath’s rear end. “How much farther to Armadillo?”

“We should make it just past dusk,” Adinal said, making a clumsy and failed attempt to rebutton his shirt. After watching him fumble for a moment, Zalel stepped closer and did it for him, starting at the hem and working his way up to Adinal’s scarred throat, which bobbed with a nervous swallow right before Adinal tilted his head back to let Zalel slip the final button through its hole. “Thanks,” Adinal breathed, and Zalel lit up with a smile.

“Don’ mention it,” Zalel said, which was more of a chide to himself than anything, having had to fight his fingertips from brushing against the marks on Adinal’s neck. “Buy me a drink when we get to Armadillo,” he added as he mounted Wraith, and missed the weighty glance Adinal shot him in response.

“Whatever you like,” Adinal agreed. 

Their conversation lapsed into silence as they got on their way, but it was a thoughtful silence, a silence heavy with words to come. Zalel was burning with curiosity about the unusual lawman whose name he'd heard more than a couple times before, and he was hoping that Adinal might let him stick around for one more adventure after they made it to Armadillo. He certainly didn’t want to go home tomorrow; his escape from Loratoris Ranch  _ had _ to last longer than one lousy day. And his mother  _ did _ tell him to do a few things before he came home.

"Hey, kid…" 

Zalel glanced over sharply, surprised to not have been the one to open his mouth first. "If you won't call me Zalel then you can call me Mr Loratoris, but I'm  _ not  _ a kid," he said firmly. 

Adinal barked a laugh and amended himself. "All right,  _ Zalel _ … Be honest with me about somethin'."

"I'm never anythin' but," Zalel responded, offense in his eyes when he turned to glare. "You may be used to dealin' with criminals, but I'm a forthright man. I don't tell lies." 

“More folk than criminals lie,” Adinal said. “I’d go so far as to say most folk lie.”

“Well, I ain’t most folk.”

“No, you are not,” Adinal agreed easily. “D’you count how many men you shot?”

“I did not,” Zalel said, who had been trying not to think about the metaphorical blood on his hands in favor of the literal blood on his hands, weighing Adinal’s life saved against all of those who’d been trying to end it and telling himself that killing to protect was the only kind of killing that was justifiable. “Was a bit of a blur.”

“Do you wanna know the number?”

“Did  _ you _ count?”

“Kid… sorry, Zalel… I only got two of those bastards. You’re the reason we’re both still alive. Yeah, I counted, in awe.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t get that many of them, did I?” 

“There were thirteen men shootin’ at us an’ I don’t think any were left standin’ in our wake.”

“I couldn’t have reloaded that many times,” Zalel said, brows furrowing, except… it  _ was _ a blur, and he  _ did _ tend to do things before he thought about them, and… he had gone through a lot more bullets than he realized, when he checked. “I shot  _ eleven _ people?”

“I oughta deputize you. Plenty of men wearin’ a star ain’t got half that skill.”

“That’s a lotta people,” Zalel said faintly, not pleased with the praise. 

“They were all shootin’ at us,” Adinal said firmly. “You did what had to be done, not anythin’ wrong.” 

“I didn’t think I’d ever take one life, let alone eleven in short order the very day I leave the ranch...”

“I won’t bullshit you, kid. That’s a lot. More’n likely some’s only injured. But I owe you my life fer what it’s worth, an’ I’m glad you asked to come along with me.”

“I’m glad I came along,” Zalel said promptly. The math wasn’t great, but he could make it work: one wide, weary world, minus thirteen criminals, without subtracting one duel-winning, outlaw-hunting marshal. Plus, maybe, a friend, or at least a grateful man. 

“Good thing yer pa gave you that gun.”

“Good thing Ma told him to.” It was important to Zalel to give credit where it was due. Which, he supposed, was what Adinal had just done with him, crediting his skill, albeit a skill Zalel had never meant to turn to such purposes. He spent a while pondering what this meant for him, before saying, “Marshal Webster?”

“You saved my life, you can call me Adinal if you like.”

“Adinal, then…” Zalel smiled a little and ducked his head when he used Adinal’s name, accustomed to being considered too young to use an adult’s given name without being considered rude. “I’ve never stayed overnight in Armadillo before. I dunno where I might spend the night. Where d’you think would be a good place fer me?”

“You could rent a room at the saloon, but it ain’t what I’d call restful there,” Adinal said wryly. “I gotta couch at my place, but I dunno if it’d fit you. Yer pretty tall.”

“Pa chews me out when I fall asleep on the couch at home but it don’t stop me doin’ it,” Zalel admitted. 

Adinal started to say something, but closed his mouth and shook his head. “It’s all yers if you want it,” he said instead, after a moment. “I’d be pleased t’have yer company fer a while longer.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“I owe you far more’n merely a place to rest,” Adinal said. “If I were a better man I’d cede you the bed, but I can’t sleep a wink on the damn couch an’ it’s been too long since I had a decent night’s sleep.”

“You been shot, you shouldn’t be sleepin’ on couches. I’ll be more’n fine on it.” Zalel had never slept on anyone else’s couch before, but as long as Adinal promised not to wake him up the way Pa did, it couldn’t be an inferior experience. Adinal didn’t seem like the type to shout a man awake if he hadn’t done something wrong to deserve the shouting.

“All right. Yer welcome to it fer as long as you like.”

“...as long as I like?” Zalel asked, brows shooting up.

“If you ain’t headin’ home straightaway,” Adinal amended.

“I’d prefer not to.”

“Well then. As long as you like.” 

Zalel had no real idea how “as long as he liked” would turn out to be, and still had no idea by the time they rode into Armadillo just as the first stars were showing. Adinal lead the way straight to the sheriff’s office and they both dismounted.

"Whoaaaaa there," Zalel cried, lunging to catch Goliath's reins as the stallion bucked, dumping Palar on the packed dirt in front of the jail before Adinal could heft him off. "C'mon, buddy, you know better’n that." 

"Are you chiding my horse?" Adinal asked, full on amused when Zalel turned wide eyes on him. "That's some nerve. Goliath ain't fond of anyone who ain't me. He ain't even that fond of me half the time." 

"No? I'm good with horses. He don't seem to mind me." 

Adinal would have met that claim with skepticism if he hadn’t been watching Zalel pat Goliath's nose at that moment. He'd seen Goliath take a bite at anyone who tried to bother him, but the horse's typical aggression was nowhere to be found with Zalel. Long, careful fingers slid gently through a tangled cornsilk mane, and Goliath put his ears forward and nickered happily. “You must be some kinda magician, gettin’ him to warm up to you like that.”

“Ain’t magic,” Zalel said, and when he looked over at Adinal it was with a delighted smile. “Just gotta know how to be kind. Horse sense ain’t a joke. They know good folks from bad.”

“Guess so,” Adinal said with a snort of laughter as he bent to pick up the bound felon. “You stay out here with them, then, I’ll finish up with this one.”

“Sure thing,” Zalel said, and turned right back to Goliath. “Oh, I know, haulin’ around that bad man was hard work, huh? You think Adinal’d mind if I gave you a carrot? Yeah, we’ll ask forgiveness instead of permission.” Wraith whinnied when Zalel kept sweet-talking Goliath, and Zalel moved over to stand between the horses, well practiced in the double horse pat from growing up helping his mother tend to her stables. “Lookit you pair of fancy boys. Yeah, everyone deserves a carrot. All right.” He went into a saddlebag to pull out a carrot for each horse. Wraith took it politely, having been well and carefully trained by Zalel, but Goliath went for it with gusto, making Zalel snatch his hand back to prevent him taking a finger with it. 

“Hey, kid…” Adinal called from the door. Zalel whirled to find himself being studied with an amused tilt to Adinal’s lips. “C’mere a second.” Obediently, Zalel followed him into the office, stopping in front of the sheriff’s desk. “This fine young man was vital in the capture. Couldn’ta done it without him. Think he should get the bounty on this one.”

“You don’t say,” the sheriff said. He was a stocky man with bristly grey whiskers and a ruddy face, and he eyed Zalel skeptically with muddy brown eyes. “What’s yer name, son?”

“Loratoris, sir… Zalel Loratoris.” The scrutiny made Zalel uncomfortable and he had to fight against the urge to shift from foot to foot nervously. 

“Loratoris? Got my horse from that ranch. Good stock.” The skepticism let up a bit, hard expression easing into something slightly more friendly.

“Yessir, he was… that man was workin’ at the ranch. God only knows what he mighta been plannin’. When the marshal showed up, told us what he’d done, I did what I could to aid him. I just wanna see justice bein’ served.”

“Could stand more people wantin’ to see that,” the sheriff said, and reached into his desk to pull out a money clip and thumb through it. “Right. There ya go. Much obliged fer yer aid in this matter.”

Zalel took the money with wide eyes, shooting an uncertain glance at Adinal at this sudden and entirely unexpected windfall. 

Adinal didn’t meet his gaze, just tapped on the edge of the sheriff’s desk. “I’m gonna take a couple days off, let my wounds heal a bit. Been all over creation huntin’ this one down. I’m beat.”

“You do what you gotta do, Webster. Sure won’t run outta bad folks to keep you busy in the meantime. Just lemme know when yer back on the job.”

“Sure will. Till then, sheriff…” Adinal tipped his hat and lead Zalel back outside before turning a grin on him. 

“You didn’t hafta do that,” Zalel said, thumbing the edges of the bills in his pocket. “I ain’t a bounty hunter.”

“Well, it sure wouldn’t sit right with me if I took it when yer the reason we made it here alive,” Adinal said. “An’ it’ll make quite a story to bring home to yer folks, won’t it?”

“Can’t argue with that,” Zalel said.

“C’mon, I’ll show you where yer stayin’ tonight… gotta change out of this shirt ‘fore we can get that drink I owe you,” Adinal said, plucking at the torn and bloodstained fabric. They hitched their horses in front of the gunsmith and Adinal lead Zalel around back and up a set of rickety stairs to a couple of small but clean rooms above the shop. “Gimme just a minute,” Adinal said, and closed his bedroom door behind him, leaving Zalel to wander around the front room looking at everything in sight. The shelf of books over a rolltop desk caught his eye quickly. When Adinal came back out in a different shirt he found Zalel with his head cocked reading spines. 

“I don’t mean to presume, but… might I borrow one of these?”

“Which one?”

“ _ From the Earth to the Moon _ … bin tryin’ to find it fer ages.”

“Only if you swear to return it, it’s one of my favorites,” Adinal said. “You like Verne?”

“Desperately,” Zalel admitted, and pulled the volume off the shelf with something like reverence. “Promise I’ll take good care of it an’ get it back to you promptly.”

“Just don’t stay up all night readin’ it.”

“...how’d you know I do that?” Astonishment was writ large on Zalel’s face, as easy to read as a good book.

“It’s what I did when I got it,” Adinal said with a laugh. “C’mon, let’s get that drink. Feels like today’s worth celebratin’. Saloon ain’t but next door.”

Zalel couldn’t help but goggle as they walked into the saloon, gaze flicking around the chattering patrons at tables and the bar, the poker game, the piano player, the brazenly made-up women, the light fixtures, and the array of bottles behind the bar. “Noisy in here,” he said, shoulders climbing toward his prominent ears. 

“We don’t have to stay,” Adinal said, but Zalel shook his head and let himself be lead to a clear spot at the bar. “Two shots of whiskey,” Adinal said, and when the bartender poured them he slid one in front of Zalel. “I owe you dearly, but let’s start with one,” he said, hint of a laugh in his voice. 

Zalel picked up the glass and looked down into it curiously. “I don’t think this glass was clean.”

“They never are,” Adinal said, and tossed his shot back, then sneezed. 

Zalel blinked. “God bless you.”

“Ain’t happened yet,” Adinal said dryly. “You can get somethin’ in a bottle if you like, you don’t hafta drink that…”

“No, I’m gonna,” Zalel said, but he continued to study the glass before he shrugged and drank the shot far more slowly than that grade of alcohol deserved to linger on the tongue. “Ugh,” he said, mouth twisting unpleasantly. “That tastes like wood stain. Can I get a sarsparilla?”

“Sure thing, kid,” Adinal said, not able to help the word from slipping out; Zalel was clearly out of his element in the saloon, and something about that grossed-out face he made was so utterly juvenile that Adinal felt like he was doing something wrong by even offering him liquor. “Could get a couple each an’ take ‘em someplace less boisterous, if you like.” Someplace less full of hard drinking men with weapons on their hips, where this gentle but deadly boy wasn’t a sheep in wolf’s clothing that fit him poorly.

“Yes, please,” Zalel said immediately, and they were shortly on their brief way back to Adinal’s place, four bottles of sarsparilla between them. 

Adinal locked the door behind them and then leaned against it, pointing at the couch with an unopened bottle. “There’s yer perch fer the night, one slightly dusty but functional couch.”

Zalel perched on it with a testing bounce and then sat back. “This’ll do just fine. Sit with me a spell?”

“If you like.” When Adinal settled beside him, they both cracked open a soda. 

Zalel held his out and gently clinked it against Adinal’s. “Here’s to gettin’ out from under Ma’s watchful eye,” he said ruefully. “Strange an’ violent as this day’s been.”

“Here’s to the rest of yer freedom not bein’ quite so strange an’ violent,” Adinal said, and tried not to sigh at the bright smile Zalel gave him. As long as the kid stuck around with Adinal, his life was going to continue along strange and violent lines; Adinal knew full well that he should return Zalel to his parents before anything bad happened to him, but didn’t have the heart to end his adventure so soon.

“Gotta get a haircut while I’m in town,” Zalel said, and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, hand coming away dusty. “Keepin’ up appearances.”

“Appearin’ as what?” Adinal asked in amusement.

“I dunno… upstandin’ citizen, I guess,” Zalel said with a shrug. “Or less like an unkempt stable boy, anyways.” That got a laugh from Adinal, and Zalel half-smiled. “Ma always says I gotta make a good first impression.”

“Well, you did that with me, unkempt hair an’ all,” Adinal told him, and the other half of the smile arrived. Every time those dimples made an appearance, Adinal had a stronger feeling that they were going to be the end of him, and Zalel kept flashing them. As fond of the kid as he’d already become in the hours since they met, Adinal wasn’t sure who was putting who in more danger: Adinal escorting Zalel through the violent world he inhabited, or Zalel pulling Adinal out from the walls he put up to protect himself, making him feel soft in a way he couldn’t afford to be.


	3. Banks of the San Luis River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adinal is used to playing his feelings close to his chest; the warmer the feelings, the less he can admit to them, for fear of what always happens when he owns up to his tenderness. All his best intentions to keep the extent of his fondness under wraps unravel when Zalel rouses him from a nightmare and asks him a question no one's ever posed to him before.

"What have we here?" Adinal asked aloud, letting Goliath stroll at a leisurely pace through the abandoned camp Zalel had discovered while wandering off the trail picking herbs.

"Looks like a place fer some clandestine activities," Zalel said. "Wanna toss it?" 

"Exactly what I was thinkin'," Adinal said with a grin, and swung himself out of the saddle to start poking around in the tents. 

Zalel tucked the herbs he’d picked into Wraith’s saddlebag and went around the tents, then let out a whoop. "A box with a lock," he called. "Must be somethin' good inside." 

"Not necessarily," Adinal warned, wincing at the report when Zalel shot the lock off. "All right, sharpshooter, whatcha got?" 

"I'm... not sure," Zalel said, slowly and with much confusion in his voice. "I don't think Ma would like me lookin' at these though." 

"Now that sounds promisin'," Adinal laughed, coming around to rummage through the open chest. "Oh, my. Zalel, you found a treasure trove of Tijuana bibles!" 

"These are  _ not _ to my taste," Zalel said, lip curled in disgust as he flipped through one of the pornographic pamphlets. Adinal skimmed through the pages of another one with an amused smirk and then dropped them back into the box. 

"Nah, me neither. It's all... malevolent, y’know? Disgraceful, like." Adinal didn’t feel the need to mention that women in general weren’t to his taste even when they weren’t drawn in gross exaggeration and terrible situations; there were enough reasons for a person to decide they hated him without taking into account the fact that he preferred the company of men in all things. He didn’t want Zalel to turn on him like everyone else had sooner or later, which meant keeping his affections under wraps, not just for folks of the male persuasion but also his rapidly-burgeoning affection for Zalel himself that had grown like a weed in the two weeks they’d been keeping company.

In that time Zalel had been tagging along with the Marshal in the discharge of his duties, they’d made three arrests, stopped a stagecoach robbery in progress, retrieved two missing horses and one missing young woman, found two flowers Zalel had never seen before, and discovered that while Zalel would gladly talk to Wraith if he lacked a conversational partner, Adinal was far more likely to sing to Goliath if no one was around. There’d been a near miss a couple nights before when Adinal had almost lost his sense, too charmed by Zalel’s infectious laugh, and swayed in, barely catching himself before he could make the mistake of kissing the kid. He tried to keep a little distance between them now, scared he wouldn’t catch himself the next time the urge to do it crossed his mind.

Zalel hadn’t been made aware of that, though, and he had no qualms about closing the distance between them, a hand on Adinal’s back or their shoulders bumping as they sat together, leaning close to murmur one of his endless observations, beaming as he showed off a new find and holding it up to point out the details to Adinal’s rapt attention. Adinal didn’t know how to make him back off without either telling the truth about why Zalel needed to stay back, which he couldn’t do, or hurting Zalel’s feelings, which he  _ wouldn’t _ do. 

It would be fine, Adinal told himself unconvincingly. Some day soon Zalel would decide that it was time for him to go home to his parents, and they’d part ways, and Adinal wouldn’t be subject to the constant danger of his friend’s radiant smile and wide-open heart. He just had to keep his mouth shut— and away from Zalel’s mouth— until then.

The rest of the camp turned up nothing of use, and Zalel clicked his tongue as he swung himself up to Wraith’s back. “Pity there weren’t anythin’ of value.”

“Find the right buyer, those things have quite a bit of value,” Adinal said, “but I sure ain’t about to find the person who wants’em. C’mon, we can make it through these woods ‘fore we should stop fer the night. Provided you don’t stop fer any more plants.”

“You’ll be glad I stopped fer these plants when we’re havin’ dinner tonight,” Zalel shot back. “Ain’t nothin’ better than sage on venison. Just wait, you’ll see.”

It was late in the day already, and Adinal’s stomach growled at the thought of well-herbed meat and sweet water flavored with the mint Zalel absolutely refused to ride past any time he saw it, thinking ahead to where they could stop for the night along a route he’d taken before. “We should make camp,” he said an hour later, as the edges of the clouds began to take on a gilded hue. “Don’t wanna be caught in the dark again.”

“I think yer overcompensatin’ fer last time,” Zalel said dryly, but he brought Wraith to a halt a couple yards from where Adinal stopped Goliath off to the side of the road, casting a critical eye over the wide, grassy swath between the road and the river that cut through the forest. “We could go a bit longer.”

“Maybe I just wanna chance to enjoy a pretty sunset with you without bein’ ahorse fer it,” Adinal said, enjoying the look of surprise Zalel shot him as he dismounted. “C’mon, we can get the tent pitched real quick if we work together.” 

It might not have been true two weeks ago, but by now the two of them had adapted to each other’s pace and preferences when it came to making camp. The tent went up first, just as quickly as Adinal had said, and Adinal scrounged together fuel for a fire while Zalel rubbed sage all over the venison they’d hunted the day before to cook over the flames once they were kindled. By the time the sky and their campfire were both aflame, they were sitting at each other’s sides, Zalel leaning against Adinal with easy affection, and warming their feet on the fire as they waited for dinner to be ready.

“I think you’d look nice in that color,” Zalel said, pointing up at one particularly crimson cloud. 

Adinal huffed a laugh. “A bit garish fer my tastes. Hard to go unnoticed in somethin’ that bright.”

“I know you don’t like people lookin’ at you, but… I like lookin’ at you,” Zalel admitted quietly. 

Adinal laughed again, a little louder, feeling his heart thump in his chest at the artless compliment. “That’s a niche opinion if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t hold particularly many common ones,” Zalel said.

“If you did, I doubt you’d be here with me now,” Adinal said, and swayed into Zalel’s side, just a brief lean that he wouldn’t allow himself to continue. “I’m awful glad you are, though,” he admitted quietly.

“I’m awful glad you let me tag along with you,” Zalel said promptly. “I keep expectin’...”

“What?” Adinal prompted when Zalel trailed off.

“I keep expectin’ you to tire of my company,” Zalel finished his thought. “Expectin’ you to shoo me off back home, sooner or later. Folks’ve been known to call me tiresome.”

“You ain’t tiresome in the least,” Adinal said. “Yer company is…” He lifted a hand to cover his mouth before he could finish the sentence in a way that meant Zalel would likely deprive him of that dearly desired company. “Yer company is never gonna be unwelcome to me,” he said after a moment’s thought to pick less revealing words. “You ever decide to go home… I’ll take you there an’ leave you regretfully. You ever decide you wanna come back out, there’ll always be a place at my side fer you, if you want it.” Still revealing, but not desperate. It’d have to do.

“You mean it?” Zalel looked startled. Adinal nodded and earned himself a dimpled smile. “You ain’t never gettin’ rid of me, I’m afraid,” he confessed. “I can’t go back to a life on the ranch now. I wanna keep doin’ good in the world with you.”

“Then we’ll keep goin’,” Adinal said, simply, as if anything about it were simple. All he had to do was never let Zalel know the true extent of his feelings. Adinal had spent his whole life downplaying his emotions, good and bad; as long as his fear of losing Zalel outweighed his desire to pull Zalel ever closer, he could keep his stupid mouth shut, keep all his emotions locked away tight in his chest, and then one day he’d die, and the kid never had to know about the unseemly desire Adinal felt toward him.

Simple. Right. Just keep his mouth shut, and away from Zalel’s. Adinal could do that. He had to, so he would. That was all there was to it.

Zalel had been absolutely right about sage on venison being delicious. Over dinner they discussed cartoons less offensive than the ones Zalel had discovered. By the time they were cleaning their dishes at the edge of the river, Adinal had vowed to take Zalel to the cinema in Blackwater to see Voyage to the Moon, shocked that the kid had never seen a film in his life and determined to make the first one something he’d definitely enjoy.

The night was still and calm, the sound of the river rushing past a soothing murmur at the edge of perception from their bedrolls inside the tent. Zalel dropped off to sleep with the ease he always demonstrated, regardless of what sort of bed he’d found himself on. Adinal envied the kid his aplomb; his mind was too full of justified fears and worries for him ever to sleep so easily. The last thought that crossed Adinal’s mind before sleep took him was  _ Maybe if we went to the Moon I could get away with telling him. _

Adinal woke mid-yell to find Zalel hovering over him with a look of deep concern, hand still on Adinal’s shoulder where he’d shaken him awake. "You… you been screamin’ in yer sleep…" 

"I do that sometimes." Adinal's voice was little more than a croak. It was a wonder that he hadn’t done it before this point, really, and he surely hadn’t missed the nightmares since Zalel came into his life. "Sorry if I scared you," he added a beat later. 

“I weren’t scared. Just didn’t wanna leave you stuck in a nightmare.” Zalel studied Adinal’s face for a moment before he nodded and went back to his own bedroll, giving the older man a chance to compose himself without being so closely observed. 

Adinal swallowed thickly and came out of the tent to sit by the embers of their campfire and stir them back into flame. He squinted up into the endless night, taking comfort in the nearly full moon and the carpet of stars the way he always did, surprised to realize that he took more comfort in Zalel’s presence. It was so rare for Adinal to keep company with anyone for longer than the amount of time it took them to finish a task; the fact that Zalel had plenty of opportunity to go on his way but chose to stay with Adinal touched him deeply. “Thanks fer wakin’ me,” he said, turning his head to look back at Zalel only to find that he’d come out to join Adinal at the small but growing fire, a compassionate look in the kid’s eyes as he rounded the fire to sit and study Adinal in the flickering light.

"Whatever did you do with yerself before I came round?" Zalel asked gently.

"Suffer, mostly." Adinal’s shaky smile begged Zalel to take it as a joke and not god's honest truth despite the crack in his voice. 

"An' now?" 

"Suffer a bit less with a friend who cares."

"What could I do to help you stop sufferin' altogether?" 

Adinal's face froze for an instant before the smile fell like an icicle and shattered. "You don't hafta do a single thing more than you're doin' already, Zalel. Ain't a man alive who could fix what's wrong with me. Sweet of you to offer."

"So you won't even let me try?" 

"What do you think's gonna happen, kid? Think you can pat my forelock an’ whisper somethin' in my ear that'll chase off the demons? I'm not a horse. I'm not any kinda animal you're so good at handlin'. You can't stop me sufferin' without promisin' me things I wouldn't want if I weren't... broken." Adinal sat up, hands braced behind him, a look of frustration in his eyes that Zalel couldn’t rightly tell if Adinal meant for himself or for Zalel.

"Adinal…" When Zalel stood up and came around the fire to sit next to Adinal, he got thoroughly in Adinal's space, reaching for his closer hand. "Yer not broken. Haunted, maybe, or hunted by yer memories, but not broken." Adinal's eyes shone with the reflections of flames; the flickering light catching a tear that slid down his cheek sent a kick of curiosity through Zalel. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?" 

"Tell me what promises you want from me. It's the fastest way fer me to see how broken you think you are. Be specific, Adinal. What’d you need from me to be happy?" 

"I'd…" Adinal turned away, covering his face with both hands. "I don't want you to think less of me."

"Do you mean to hurt me?" 

" _ No _ . I mean to protect you. I wish you’d… trust in me to care fer you the way you've been caring fer me."

"I do trust in you," Zalel said promptly, and set his hand on Adinal’s shoulder since Adinal had taken away his hand.

"You're in danger keepin' company with me, but I don’t want to lose you at my side. That's… so selfish of me, puttin’ you in harm's way like that."

"I don't mind. I wanna be here with you." Adinal just stared at Zalel over his hands, silent until Zalel prompted him, “C’mon, you ain’t been specific. I promise nothin’ you say will make me think less of you.”

“I wanna kiss you,” Adinal said through his fingers, and shuddered to speak it aloud when he’d never meant to do any such thing. “I wanna… do a lot more than just kiss you.” 

“ _ Me _ ?” Zalel seemed dumbfounded at the thought. “I ain’t been kissed before.” 

“Ferreal?” Adinal resisted for a second when Zalel tried to pull his hands down, but let him do it without much fuss, revealing a conflicted look on his face. 

“Honest. Never seemed like an important thing to do.” 

“I can’t be the first person to kiss you. It wouldn’t be right.” 

“What if I asked you to do it?” 

“I can’t. You deserve better.”

“I don’t believe that’s fer you to decide fer me,” Zalel said firmly. “Shouldn’t I get a say in who kisses me first?”

“It shouldn’t be me,” Adinal said, misery in his voice, gaze fixed on the ground. “It should be someone you can tell yer folks about.”

“Adinal Webster, you look me in the eyes,” Zalel demanded, earning himself obedience through the sheer surprise his tone of voice evoked, gaze fierce when Adinal met it. “I know you don’t think much of yerself, but I think the world of you. I’d be… I’d be pleased beyond the tellin’ of it if you’d be the first to kiss me.”

“If… if yer absolutely sure,” Adinal breathed, but Zalel’s intent was clear in his eyes with the way they dropped to Adinal’s lips. 

“I ain’t promisin’ everythin’ you might want from me, but I can give you this much,” Zalel said.

“More’n I deserve,” Adinal said, brushing the backs of his fingers against Zalel’s cheek. “Yer somethin’ else, Zalel,” he added, and leaned in to catch his lips in a gentle kiss. Even though Adinal had kept his approach slow, Zalel still made a startled sound when he was kissed, still for a moment before he clumsily kissed Adinal back, all his puppyish eagerness and curiosity on full display. “Easy,” Adinal breathed, a laugh in his voice as he pulled back slightly. “It ain’t necessary fer you to bowl me over with it, y’know.”

“Sorry,” Zalel said, but he didn’t sound sorry and he didn’t look sorry either, gaze falling back to Adinal’s mouth as soon as he opened his eyes. “That was… good. That was good.”

“Yeah? I’m glad you think so,” Adinal said.

“Can I… try kissin’  _ you _ ? If I promise not to overwhelm you?”

“Zalel, darlin’, if you think it’s possible fer me to not be overwhelmed when I’m kissed by someone as cute as you, yer givin’ me too much credit fer self-possession.” At Zalel's puzzled look, a smile tilted Adinal's lips. "Yes. Go ahead an' lay one on me." 

“Thank you,” Zalel said, and leaned in to do just that, a little less clumsy and a little more restrained this time. When he curled a hand at the back of Adinal’s neck, Adinal gasped quietly and opened his mouth, offering something Zalel didn’t even know he was allowed to have, something weird and so intimate it made him tremble.

They leaned into each other as their kisses deepened. Adinal could have sworn he was getting drunk off the sweetness of Zalel’s mouth, and he settled a hand on Zalel’s knee and let it drift closer to where he wanted it to be, fingers stroking little circles up the inside of Zalel’s thigh.

"No... wait, stop…" Zalel's nails dug into the thin skin of Adinal's wrist before his hand could slide any higher. "I don't… I don't want you to touch me like that."

"All right," Adinal said, and scooted a few inches back from Zalel, lifting his hand safely away from Zalel's body. "Sorry. Didn't mean to discomfort you." There was disappointment in his eyes that he couldn't hide, and frustration in Zalel's. 

"You didn't do anythin' wrong. An' I didn't mean I don't want you to touch me at all. Just… not like that."

"Tell me what you do want, then. So I'll know fer sure." Adinal was more confused than anything by Zalel's apparent running hot-and-cold like this. 

Zalel reached out to take Adinal’s wrist again, drawing his hand up to brush against Zalel’s cheek. "I like it when you touch me here… I like it when you put yer fingers in my hair, too." Adinal traced a fingertip along Zalel's sideburn, and Zalel's lips turned up. "I like it when you hold me," he added, shifting over to cuddle up to Adinal's side. "You make me feel safe when I'm near you."

"Zalel, darlin', you've probably never been less safe than you are keepin' company with me," Adinal said sadly, but he wrapped an arm around Zalel anyways. "So you wanna be close to me, you just don't want me makin' any attempts on yer virtue?" 

"That's the long an' the short of it," Zalel said. "Is that... all right?" His voice was small, the tone of a boy who expected to be upbraided.

"Of course it's all right," Adinal said. "I ain't gonna touch you in any way you don't want me to. I ain't that kinda man."

"No, yer a good man," Zalel said softly, and put his head on Adinal's shoulder. "I can trust you not to do wrong by me." 

Adinal let out a nearly soundless sigh and pressed his cheek to Zalel’s hair. “Last thing I wanna do is hurt you.” This close, Zalel smelled of herbs and road dust, and Adinal breathed him in gladly. “I’d do anythin’ in my power to keep you safe, actually.” 

“Didn’t really think I’d ever be loved ‘part from my family,” Zalel mused, and squeaked when Adinal sat up straight, dislodging Zalel’s head from its comfortable spot on his shoulder. When he looked up at Adinal with a question in his eyes, he didn’t expect the scowl he’d find on Adinal’s face for using the very word he didn’t know Adinal had been forcing himself not to think.

"Twist a man's words like that, yer liable to end up dead, kid," Adinal said reproachfully. 

"Twist what now?" Zalel looked genuinely taken aback. "I'm sorry, did you  _ not _ mean you care fer me? Cause it sounded an awful lot like you sayin’ you care."

"Care an' love ain't the same thing. They're not interchangeable words. Use the wrong one, in front of the wrong person..." Adinal swallowed. “Nothin’ good’ll come of it.”

"Well, I'm sorry, then. I shouldn't’ve said that." Adinal reached up to hide his mouth with one hand, and Zalel added a little desperately, “I care fer you too.”

“I know, you show it all sorta ways,” Adinal said. “Hardly need to say it. I’d hafta be dumb as a rock to not realize it.” His eyes softened, but he didn’t lower his hand until Zalel reached up and pulled it down to reveal an uncertain smile. 

“I wanna say it, though.” Looking down at their hands, Zalel laced their fingers together. “I don’t think anyone else says it to you. An’ it’s important to hear from someone.”

“I haven’t heard anyone say they care fer me in… prob’ly as long as you’ve been alive.” Zalel’s jaw dropped, and Adinal hastily added, “Don’t mean  _ you _ gotta say it…”

“I care fer you, Adinal Webster,” Zalel said firmly. “My life ain’t ever been as interestin’ as it’s been since we met. I’m thankful fer havin’ met you.” 

“I’m… very thankful fer havin’ met you too.” Adinal’s voice broke in the middle of his words, and Zalel dropped his hand and wrapped an arm around him instead, gently maneuvering him until Adinal’s head rested on Zalel’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna think about you goin’ back to yer parents. I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone,” Adinal admitted, a little more honest without Zalel’s keen gaze studying his face. 

“I don’t wanna go home,” Zalel said. “I wanna stay with you. As long as you’ll let me.”

“Darlin’, I don’t have the strength to send you away from me,” Adinal breathed. Zalel didn’t know how to respond to that, just pressed his cheek against Adinal’s hair and held him a little closer. The sky was barely beginning to brighten in the east, but they sat like that, leaning together and taking comfort from each other’s closeness, until the rosy dawn became a day as clear and blue as Zalel’s eyes. 


	4. Blackwater Saloon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zalel gets to meet a couple of people Adinal has a history with at the saloon in Blackwater. While Zalel avails himself of the bath in their rented room, Adinal reconnects with his old friends, and tries to fend off their questions about his new friend.

Adinal had gotten used to Zalel intermittently stopping his horse to forage for herbs and flowers over the weeks they'd kept company, so when Zalel thundered into the lead and then waved for him to stop under a tall tree, Adinal figured the kid had a good reason for it. By the time he dismounted, Zalel was standing at the base of the tree staring up a good sixty feet at the huge leaves topping it. 

"What's the holdup?" Adinal asked. 

Zalel didn't even look over at him, too focused on what was above. "This is a date palm," he said. "An' it looks like it's in fruit. I hafta get up there." 

"You wanna get  _ all  _ the way up there?" Adinal asked skeptically. "Gonna break yer neck, darlin'." 

"You ever taste a date? It'd be worth riskin’ a broken neck." 

"Can't say dates are a thing I have experience with," Adinal said dryly.

"See those bunches? That's the good stuff," Zalel said. 

Adinal squinted up at the top of the tree over the rims of his smoked glasses. “Don't look like much to me." 

"Yeah, well, you don't know everythin' that's good in the world," Zalel said with a scowl. 

Adinal let out a startled laugh and shook his head. "I surely do not." 

"Wonder if I could shoot down a bunch," Zalel said thoughtfully, one hand going to the revolver at his hip. "That'd be a thing to boast about." 

"May's well give it a shot," Adinal said encouragingly. "Can't hurt any to try. An’ you’ve got better aim than most anyone I know.”

“Thank you,” Zalel said, dimples flashing for an instant before his attention went back to the tree. “...still kinda wanna climb it, though.”

“Well, you got the perky ears, but ‘til you grow a bushy tail I’m gonna say you won’t make it up,” Adinal joked. Zalel put a hand up to cover one ear, shooting an indignant look at Adinal, who couldn’t help laughing. “You are twitchy like a squirrel though.”

“Fine, I’ll eat all the dates myself, if I’m a selfish rodent.” Zalel took his hat off, tipped his head all the way back, lifted his gun, and for a long moment sighted down his arm before he fired one shot.

“What under heaven…?” Adinal gasped when a cluster of about 30 fruits fell to the ground, stem cleanly severed. “That is  _ not _ what I thought that looked like from down here.”

“Yer sight’s not too keen at this time of day,” Zalel said, put his hat back on, and holstered his gun. 

“Yer sight’s  _ too _ keen,” Adinal said, just to get those dimples in view again. “All right, Chitters, show me what you got.”

“I’ve actually never seen these fresh before,” Zalel said as he bent to cut a couple of the fruits from the cluster. “Only dried. They’re real sweet, I like ‘em.”

“So you just… bite into it?” Adinal asked, studying the small reddish fruit Zalel handed him with a skeptical look.

“I think they got pits,” Zalel said, not sounding sure of it until he cut into the fruit in his hand. “Ah, yeah, don’t do that.” He sliced a chunk off to taste it, closing his eyes to focus on the flavor.

Adinal took a careful nibble of his, finding it to have a texture sort of like an apple, but it definitely didn’t taste like an apple. It didn’t taste like anything he’d ever had before— but it did taste good. 

“This tastes a lot different dried,” Zalel said, and frowned down at the cluster. “Wonder how to dry ‘em.”

“Gonna take up homesteadin’?” Adinal teased.

“I grew up on a ranch, I don’t need to  _ take up  _ anythin’,” Zalel said. “I know how to dry fruits… just not this particular fruit.”

“Well, put ‘em on Wraith an’ we’ll see about findin’ some instructions,” Adinal said. “We’re not too far from Blackwater. We’ll check the library, all right?”

“Excellent,” Zalel said. By the time he swung into the saddle he was quite clearly pleased with himself, wiggling a little as he started chattering about all the facts he could bring to mind about the date palm before he found a book. Adinal couldn’t help but bask in the glow of his smile, thinking about all the types of sweetness Zalel had brought into his life.

They rode into Blackwater around dinner time, heading for the saloon. A tall woman with burnished copper skin was leaning back against one of the front windows smoking a fat cigar, and she smiled as they hitched their horses. “Marshal Webster. Ain’t seen you ‘round these parts in a while.”

“Raylan,” Adinal said, tipping his hat politely.

“Who’s yer friend?” she asked, nodding at Zalel.

“This is Zalel,” Adinal said, and pulled out the excuse he’d been sure to ready. “He’s thinkin’ ‘bout becomin’ a lawman. I’m showin’ him the ropes.”

"You don’t say,” Raylan purred, and pointed her cigar at them, drawing a little circle with the smoke. “I'm sensin' a visual theme here," she said in amusement, giving Adinal and Zalel the once-over. "A bit... opposites attract, hm?" Adinal was used to people making comments about him and his horse, but Zalel hadn't been subjected to that sort of thing until he started traveling in Adinal’s company. Still, a tall Black man on a leggy black stallion and a skinny white man on a nearly pure white gelding were bound to provoke comments, and Raylan's hadn't been offensive compared to a couple of the others they’d heard. 

“Got a room to let tonight?” Adinal asked. If he didn’t acknowledge her comment, she might drop it.

“Sure do,” she said, gaze sliding from Adinal to Zalel and back.

“Still got a couch in it?”

“Sure do.”

“That’ll do, then,” Adinal said with a nod. 

“Want a bath, too?”

“You droppin’ hints?” he asked, rubbing at his cheek self-consciously.

“I want a bath,” Zalel said, and Raylan arched her brows at him playfully. 

“Sure thing, sweetheart, I’ll get it set fer you. Adinal, don’t forget to say hello to Kier, or he’ll sulk,” Raylan said.

“Oh, I’ll talk to Kier,” Adinal said. Zalel shot him a puzzled look as they came into the saloon, and Adinal nodded over at the very pretty piano player. “Kier an’ I go back.”

“An’ Raylan?” Zalel asked.

“Raylan an’ I go further back,” Adinal said simply. “You hungry? They do a mean prairie chicken here.”

“I like prairie chicken,” Zalel said. “I like piano music, too. He take requests?”

“If you smile at him real nice, I bet he will,” Adinal said, fully aware of just how much of a sucker for a nice smile Kier was, having leveraged it against him on multiple occasions. Zalel went off to try his luck, and from across the room Adinal tried to imagine what Kier was saying from the look on Zalel’s face, the friendly smile falling into bemusement making Adinal sure that Kier was trying to flirt with the kid. It was a little bit mean to both of them for Adinal to have sent Zalel over there, knowing what both of them were like, but after a moment Kier’s boisterous laugh reached Adinal’s ears and the music smoothly transitioned into a waltz. 

“Strange feller,” Zalel said when he sat down across from Adinal.

“Yeah, he is,” Adinal said fondly.

“Never met a musician before.” Zalel studied the sarsparilla bottle on the table, reading the raised lettering on the glass before he picked it up. “Never had this brand before, either.”

“Likely to do a few things in Blackwater fer the first time,” Adinal said dryly. 

“Yessir,” Zalel said, and closed his eyes to better enjoy the music.

Dinner was better than it had been the last time Adinal had eaten at the saloon, both in the quality of the food and the company, and the night was going along pleasantly until a raised voice said something too obscene and impolite for anyone in the room to miss.

"They're talkin' ‘bout us," Zalel said, shoulders pulling up around his ears and eyes focused strictly on the bottle in his hands. 

"’Course they are," Adinal said wearily, eyes fixed on the man who’d said it and his ugly sneer. "If it eases yer mind, they talk just as much an' just as unfriendly when it’s just me." 

"That ain't true," Zalel said. 

“Trust me, it is." Underneath the table, Adinal's toes tapped gently against Zalel's. "We don't hafta stay here if yer feelin' threatened. But most'a these blowhards are all talk." 

"What about the ones that ain't?" 

"Someone might get shot," Adinal said simply. "Don't think it'll be you or me, though. Ain't been me yet when it comes down to that, an' heaven knows enough folk have tried." 

"I don't wanna be the cause of anyone's death," Zalel said. 

"Yer well past that point, I’m afraid." 

"I don't wanna be the cause of anyone  _ else's _ death." 

"Trust me, sunshine, you ain't the one bein' objected to. I’ll take care of it if anyone tries to raise a fuss. Nothin’ to do with you.” Adinal rolled his beer bottle between his palms, looking down at it thoughtfully. “You should go take that bath. I’m gonna play a few hands of cards, give you time to soak.”

“All right,” Zalel said, happy to take an excuse to bail on the suddenly tense atmosphere in the saloon. “You take too long, I’m takin’ the bed, you can sleep on the couch,” he added as he stood up.

“You can take the bed when you pay fer the room,” Adinal said, having less than zero intention to occupy that bed alone when they could lock the door behind them. 

“Don’t lose all yer money on cards so I won’t hafta,” Zalel teased.

“Kid, you can’t criticize my poker skills ‘til you win a hand against me,” Adinal said. 

“Won’t happen, I can’t play poker worth a damn,” Zalel admitted.

“Get outta here ‘fore yer bad poker face affects mine, then,” Adinal said, waving him away. He waited until Zalel was upstairs and behind a closed door to put his attention back on the drunk who’d said such rude things in such a loud voice, ice in his narrowed eyes. Poker face was one thing; trying to put the fear of God into a loudmouthed drunk was a whole different expression, and one that didn’t appear to work when the drunk smirked and said that rude thing again, loudly, straight to Adinal’s face.

“I’m talkin’ to you,” the drunk said when Adinal didn’t react, lurching over to plant a hand on the table in front of Adinal. “What’re you doin’ with that kid, huh?”

“Teachin’ him to uphold the law,” Adinal said coolly, flipping his lapel to show his badge. “What’re you doin’ usin’ that kinda language in an establishment run by a lady?”

“Fuck that bitch,” the man said dismissively.

“You  _ don’t say _ ,” Raylan said, attention having been thoroughly drawn by the volume and nature of the man’s earlier words, and dug her nails into the back of the man’s neck aiming to draw blood. “Show your face in here again an’ I’ll have this upstandin’ lawman drag you back to the cell they just sprung you from, you lowlife scum,” she hissed in his ear. “An’ if he ain’t around, I’ll just hafta deal with you myself. But trust me. You’d rather deal with him, cause he’s got limits. Now, you gonna walk out, or am I walkin’ you out?”

“I’m goin’,” the man said, face gone bloodless the instant she broke skin. “I’m goin’.”

“Git gone, then,” she said with a vicious clench, and shoved him in the direction of the door.

“I’m never gonna get tired of watchin’ you do that,” Adinal said as the door shut behind him. “You’re terrifyin’.”

“Aw, Addy darlin’, you know I’m a pussycat,” Raylan said, and blew him a kiss as she pulled a handkerchief out of her bodice and cleaned the blood from under her nails. “You sure do bring the bastards outta the woodwork every time you show yer face here. One of these days, I’m gonna decide yer more trouble than yer worth.”

“I don’t think you will,” Adinal said, smiling up at her. “I think you like havin’ me as a lesser evil when you’re makin’ yer threats.”

“Last time you were here someone tried to duel you right out front,” she reminded him.

“That weren’t my fault.”

“No? Seems to me it were.”

“He accused me of flirtin’ with a woman,” Adinal said. “It  _ weren’t _ anythin’ I did that set that one off, Raylan. Believe me.”

“Mm,” Raylan said, and nodded over at the piano. “You say hello to Kier yet?”

“I’m gettin’ there…”

“Gonna hurt his feelings,” Raylan said. “Don’t make me put up with him singin’ nothin’ but sad songs fer a week, Addy. Go talk to him.”

“I don’t wanna hear what he’s gonna say about my friend,” Adinal said.

“Oh, I bet you don’t. You gonna be more offended if he’s lewd or if he’s heartbroken?”

“I don’t have the power to break that man’s heart,” Adinal said dismissively. “He don’t care what I think.”

“You tell yerself that when you ride off into the sunset again,” Raylan said. “You ain’t heard the song he wrote.”

“What song?”

“‘Bout the dashin’ young lawman made of midnight an’ moonlight fillin’ up a jail between dusk an’ dawn,” Raylan said with relish.

“He didn’t,” Adinal said, one hand flying up to cover his mouth.

“Oh, you should ask him to sing it.” The grin on her face was pure instigating mischief. “It’s quite the ballad.”

“Tell me it ain’t popular,” he begged.

“It’s a  _ personal  _ favorite,” she purred, “you  _ must _ hear it ‘fore you go.” She glanced toward the stairs and added, “Maybe I’ll ask him to play it fer you tomorrow ‘fore you leave. I bet yer friend would get a kick out of it.”

“Please don’t.”

“If you don’t go talk to Kier right now, I absolutely will.”

“Manipulative woman,” Adinal sighed, “why are you so hellbent on this?”

“He missed you, Addy. We both missed you. An’ you blow him off now that you’ve got some cute young thing with you, he’s gonna jump to all the wrong conclusions.”

“He’s got a filthy mind.”

“All the more reason fer you not to let it wander in the worst direction.”

“I don’t appreciate these strong-arm tactics.”

“I don’t appreciate the ruckus you cause every time you show up. Every friendship requires compromise.”

“Well, I ain’t goin’ over there without a peace offerin’,” Adinal said. 

Raylan tapped the bar and then handed him two shots of whiskey. “There. Have a drink, ask him fer a song, give him a hug ‘fore you go.”

“I don’t need to be told how to talk to Kier of all people,” Adinal said severely. “There somethin’ wrong with him these days?”

“Ah, you know him. Always moonin’ over someone. This time it’s a real handsome blond with a pretty smile an’ a cruel tongue.” 

“He’s got a thing fer the mean ones. I ain’t one of ‘em.”

“I know that, that’s why I’m pushin’ you at him, ya dope. Be nice to him fer a few minutes. Remind him what that’s like.”

“He gonna be okay?”

“He’s got me lookin’ out for him,” Raylan said, which was not the same thing as  _ yes _ , but as much as she could promise.

“Heaven help you both,” Adinal said, and carried the shots over to the piano, leaning his hip against it as he settled one glass next to where the sheet music would have gone if Kier ever used it. “Hello, beautiful.”

“Adinal Webster,” Kier said, grinning up at him. “In the flesh.” His fingers danced over the keys and he paid them no mind. “How long’s it been, darling?”

“Christmas, two years ago,” Adinal said.

“That was a nice one,” Kier said dreamily. “Very merry. You sang with me.”

“Don’t remind me,” Adinal said, resisting the urge to cover his face only by main force. 

“How could I forget, Addy? You’ve got quite the voice. You ever decide the law’s too onerous, come back here, we’ll make a striking duo.” 

“You know that ain’t gonna happen, Kier.”

“Can’t blame a man for trying,” Kier chirped. “What’s the news, lawman? You finally get that price off my head?”

“I can’t take off a price you set yerself,” Adinal said, and Kier winked at him. “I’m travelin’ with a friend now.”

“That blue-eyed boy,” Kier said, looked down at the piano, and smoothly transitioned into a more boisterous tune before looking back up with a more carefully constructed smile. “I saw. Where’d you pick that one up?”

“He helped me collar a murderer, day we met,” Adinal said.

“You don’t say.”

“Saved my life three hours later.”

“Sounds like a story worth a song,” Kier said playfully. “Tell me more, I can make something of this.” 

“Heard you already made somethin’ of me,” Adinal said, desperate to change the topic. 

“How could I resist, darling? You’re so  _ noble _ . If I can’t wax poetic about a good man, what’s worth doing it for, hmm?”

“Midnight an’ moonlight, though?” Adinal asked despairingly, dropping his voice. “I thought that was just between us.”

“You knew the risks, lie down with a balladeer and you’re fair game to canonize,” Kier said blithely. “Inspiration strikes where it will. I woke up with the first verse and the chorus whole in my head. Like a gift.” He beamed up at Adinal. “A gift from you.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“That’s what they all tell me.” Kier played a riff with his left hand so he could take the shot, finally, and hummed as he set the glass back down. “Oh, that woman does take care of me, bless her.” Both hands back on the keys, he doodled around a bit. “So, Addy… the blue-eyed one. What’s the deal?”

“He’s passionate ‘bout justice. Thinks he might become a lawman.”

“Mmhm,” Kier said, and suddenly the music took on a tender tone. “You passionate about him?”

“Why would you say such a thing?” Adinal asked, too honest to deny it outright.

“Your laugh,” Kier said, “it’s such a charming thing, and so goddamn hard to earn, and yet I heard it more tonight across the room than in the past five years of our friendship altogether. Either the kid’s an absolute riot, or you’re round-the-bend sappy about him.” 

“Don’t tell anyone,” Adinal pleaded, barely audible over the piano. “Please don’t write a song an’ get us killed.”

“I would never,” Kier said, genuine offense in his voice. “I would  _ never _ write a song that could be used as a weapon against you, Addy, I’ve got few enough friends to stand to lose them due to my overblown sense of romance. But you know how I love to hear a love story.”

“It ain’t like that.”

“No? All right, I’ll just ask again next time I see you. Still gonna have the kid then?”

“God, I hope so,” Adinal said.

“Oh, you’ve got it  _ bad _ ,” Kier said softly. “And here I thought you couldn’t give your heart away. It just wasn’t meant for me.”

“You never wanted my heart.”

“No, darling, I always wanted it, I just knew I shouldn’t have it, for your sake.” Kier looked down at the piano, coaxing a wistful melody from it. “But we had some lovely times together despite all that.” He glanced up and added hopefully, “We could have one more tonight, if you like.”

“Sorry, songbird,” Adinal said, and he brushed Kier’s curls back from his face with a gentle touch. “I got a place to rest my head already.”

“Can’t blame a man for trying.” Kier turned into Adinal’s touch and then sat up straight, rolling his neck to pop it. “All right, midnight marshal. Got a request for me before you flit upstairs to your little chickadee?”

“Don’t call him that,” Adinal said with a wince. “Why’re you askin’ me? I only ever ask you fer the same song.” 

“Wishful thinking that one day you might ask for a song with words,” Kier chirped, and slowed the tempo down. “You know, I should really go get my guitar if you want Moonlight… ought to give it to you the way it was meant to be heard.”

“But if yer transposin’, it’ll keep yer wicked mind busy fer three minutes,” Adinal said, and squeezed Kier’s shoulder. “Thank you, Kier.”

“It’s good to see your face, darling. Bring it by more often,” Kier said, and started vocalizing, the lilting tune of a wordless lullaby he’d introduced Adinal to when they met, and a perfect outro to let Adinal walk away from the piano, salute Raylan at the bar, and slip upstairs to the rented room.

Zalel was tucked into the wide bed, politely curled up on the left side of it, and sound asleep when Adinal came upstairs, the lukewarm bath still standing by the hearth. He sighed to himself, locked the door and double-checked it, and took full advantage of the only slightly murky water. As he scrubbed himself clean, his finger ran over the scar on his shoulder where Zalel had stitched him up merely hours after they’d met: just a small, shiny mark on his skin, barely noticeable compared to the other marks all over his body, because it was the only wound that had been tended immediately and competently. 

How could he do anything but love Zalel when the kid had never shown him anything but care and kindness? How could he ever bear to  _ tell _ Zalel so when the last time he’d used that four-letter word had nearly meant the death of him? How could his affection be so obvious that Kier could read it so easily, and if Kier could see it, who else could?

By the time Adinal climbed into the bed, his thoughts were pacing around a track he’d worn deep in the past month, spiraling anxiously around the center point of his love for Zalel and how tragically vulnerable they’d both be if he admitted to it. He reached across the width of the bed and laid his hand against Zalel’s back, feeling the slow, steady rise and fall of his breath, the warmth of him. 

Zalel mumbled something and turned over, not waking but reaching back for Adinal anyways. Adinal curled a hand around Zalel’s, closed his eyes, and plunged into sleep as if he’d been dropped from a great height, a moment of deep disorientation and then nothing at all.


	5. Manzanita Post

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blackwater's the biggest town Zalel's ever been to, and there's much to see, even if he can't see all of it with Adinal beside him. A bounty sends the pair into the mountains of Tall Trees, where a blizzard pins them down in the last rentable room before it's nothing but wilderness. Being shut in together with a certainty that no one can overhear or interrupt them allows Zalel to be bold, and Adinal to be honest, to both their benefit.

Morning dawned cool and found that during the night, they’d shifted closer; when Zalel stirred awake, he found Adinal’s face not far from his, and took the time to study the unguarded expression he wore, all the typical tension and anxiety nowhere to be found, the caution that kept him stoic that Zalel knew his own presence been chipping away at without meaning to entirely removed. Zalel held his breath and leaned in to kiss Adinal’s cheek, just under the scar that ran below his eyes.

“Hmmph?” It took a moment for the lids to lift on those pale eyes, and Adinal smiled sleepily when he found what had roused him. “Darlin’. Mornin’.”

“Good mornin’,” Zalel whispered, and returned that smile in full. “Am I on the line fer payin’ fer the room?”

“Got taken to the cleaners,” Adinal said mournfully, “we’ll hafta survive on dates an’ huntin’ fer a while.” When Zalel’s eyes widened, Adinal couldn’t help but laugh, a warm, soft-edged sound. “Kiddin’, kiddin’. Didn’t lose a cent.”  _ Didn’t play a hand _ , he thought,  _ but I can’t say I didn’t lose a thing _ .

“Good,” Zalel said, “but I still wanna try to dry those dates.”

“I can show you to the library. Can’t go in with you, though.” 

Zalel’s brows knitted. “You destroy a book?”

“Don’t insult me, darlin’, I ain’t a philistine, I’d never do such a thing. No, they restrict those facilities fer folks look more like you.”

“Oh,” Zalel said, face falling slightly. “I don’t understand why people are so hateful…”

“That’s because yer too good fer this wounded world, sweet boy. There ain’t a drop of hate in yer heart that ain’t powered by righteous fury.” Adinal wondered, not for the first time, what sort of upbringing Zalel had that lead him not only to reject the racism that underpinned society, but to be so surprised every time he was reminded that it existed. There was nothing common about Zalel at all, and Adinal loved him all the more for every thing that set him apart.

“I’ll just take out a book on yer behalf,” Zalel said. “I know what you like, I think.”

“Get somethin’ we’ll both enjoy,” Adinal said. “We can read it together. Out loud.”

“We can take turns,” Zalel agreed brightly. “I do love bein’ read to.”

“I know you do, darlin’.”

“Maybe they’ll have a new Jules Verne.”

“That’d be a treat fer sure.”

“Wish you could come in with me,” Zalel said wistfully, reaching out to twine his hand with Adinal’s between them on the bed. “Wish we could go anywhere we wanted without folk talkin’ ‘bout us.”

A stab of guilt pierced Adinal even though it wasn’t anything he had done to make the situation what it was. “Zalel… I can't ask you to keep choosin’ me when these issues arise," Adinal said quietly, looking down at his fingers threaded through Zalel's. "I can't offer you anythin' but strife, an' you deserve better than that." 

"You offer me a lot more'n strife," Zalel said firmly. "You've opened up my world, Adinal. I’ll keep tellin’ you if I have to, as many times as you require, I don't wanna go back to bein' fenced in on the ranch. I wanna ride with you under the endless sky an’ see everythin’ there is to see under the sun. I don't care if people don't like the sight of us together. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I only care about you. Let ‘em talk, we can’t stop ‘em talkin’. But they don’t matter.”

"That's what I feared you'd say," Adinal said, and dropped his head onto the pillow with a sigh, gaze gone soft on Zalel’s wide-open, endlessly brave face. "I don't deserve you, darlin'. But heaven help me, I want you by my side.”

“Good, ‘cause that’s where I wanna be.” Zalel pulled their hands up and pressed his lips to the back of Adinal’s. “What d’you think, if you deputize me, can we get away with keepin’ company so closely without folk talkin’ in the wrong way?”

“I was dissemblin’ when I said that to Raylan,” Adinal said, “but if you want a star, I’ll get you one. Sure give the gossip somethin’ to focus on that ain’t the dopey expression on my face when I look at you.”

“You ain’t dopey,” Zalel said, with a dopey smile of his own. “I love the way you look at me.” 

Adinal’s hand clenched tight on Zalel’s at the sound of the word he couldn’t bring himself to use, and he had to look away from just how brightly that emotion shone through Zalel’s cheerful face. “We should start our day,” he said, and leaned across the bed to brush his lips against Zalel’s cheek where the dimple showed. “I’ll find somethin’ fer us to do next while you’re doin’ yer research.”

“Yessir,” Zalel said, and reluctantly let go of Adinal’s hand when Adinal went to climb out of bed. When they came down into the saloon, a tired-eyed Raylan offered them coffee and oatmeal; at the next table over Kier lowered his newspaper, eyed the pair of them, smirked, and lifted it again, humming a song Adinal hadn’t heard before a little louder. Adinal pointedly did not ask to hear the new song, and Raylan, mercifully, didn’t make Zalel aware of it.

The civilized streets of Blackwater gave Zalel plenty to goggle at as they walked through town, Adinal pointing out any building of interest on their way to where he meant to drop Zalel off. While Zalel was in the library, Adinal went to check out the police station, pulling a bounty poster down from the wall. “Aurora Basin,” he said to himself thoughtfully. “That ain’t  _ too  _ far from here. Might be worth checkin’ out.” The mountains could be dangerous, but they were both alert, and the bounty for the murder suspect was nothing to scoff at even if they couldn’t take him alive. When Adinal showed the poster to Zalel, he didn’t even need to sell it.

“I’ve never been up a mountain. Bet it’s interestin’,” Zalel said, and that decided it. They headed west across the plains into a suspiciously glowering sky.

Manzanita Post was the last civilized stop at the foot of the mountains, and the last safe haven against the whipping winds and blowing snow they hadn’t expected to ride into. Adinal had no real desire to bring Zalel into the wilderness full of bears and cougars to hunt a murderer during a storm, but it turned out the postmaster had a place to rent, a simple cabin with a door that both locked and barred, and a couple of beds covered in furs so Adinal could point out exactly what they didn’t want to run into out there. Though the wind howled fiercely as it shook the frame of the cabin, inside was warm and almost cozy, all things considered. They brought all their things in to hunker down from the storm, including the cluster of dates.

There was a bearskin stretched in front of the hearth, the pelt of a massive grizzly, and Zalel sat cross-legged on it and petted the fur idly as he stared into the flames. Adinal hesitated to join him, familiar with the look on Zalel’s face when he was lost in thought, but after a few minutes Zalel glanced over at him with an arched brow.

“You stayin’ over there fer a reason? Do I smell bad already?” 

Adinal’s lips quirked up, and he walked over and leaned down to breathe in the herbal scent of Zalel’s very clean, very unruly hair. “You smell delectable,” he said, and sat beside Zalel when Zalel patted the fur next to him. “Didn’t wanna impose.”

“You never impose on me,” Zalel said promptly, and insinuated himself into Adinal’s arms almost before Adinal realized what he wanted. “It’s awful cold ‘round here. You mind keepin’ me warm?”

“You know full well I’m happy to do it,” Adinal laughed, wrapping one arm around Zalel’s waist to pull him closer. “Are we kissin’ tonight, or is it not one of those nights?” 

“Yes please,” Zalel chirped, and immediately got kissed, to his delight. “Actually,” he breathed against Adinal’s lips, “I got a question fer you.”

“Ask me anythin’,” Adinal said promptly.

“If I were to tell you that you could touch me… the way that I told you before I didn’t want you touchin’ me,” Zalel said, with a long pause to figure out how to phrase it, “what exactly would you do with me?”

“Oh, darlin’, I don’t think I should,” Adinal said, voice gone wobbly in an instant. He ducked his head, but Zalel caught him under the chin and made him look back up.

“I’m not sayin’ that you can do it,” Zalel clarified. “I’m askin’ what it would entail. Cause I ain’t got a clue, and that’s the part that terrifies me. I trust  _ you _ , endlessly. I know you won’t hurt me, you make that more’n clear every day. But I don’t understand what it is that you want from me.”

“The only thing I want is to please you,” Adinal sighed, not avoiding Zalel’s gaze any more, but he looked more terrified than Zalel felt, truth be told. “I just… I wanna touch you a thousand different ways to find out which ones you like, and then keep doin’ those things with you once we know. I want… god, I want so bad to caress every part of you with my gaze, an’ my hands, an’ my lips. Every freckle, every scar, every sensitive spot, every part I’ve seen already an’ definitely every part I haven’t yet, every part of you.”

“Oh,” Zalel said, wide-eyed; Adinal watched the thought land, watched it rattle around inside Zalel’s head until it clicked into place, watched puzzlement clear into resolve. “Well, that don’t sound so terrifyin’,” Zalel said softly. “I do like your hands. An’ your lips. An’...  _ every _ part of me?”

“Some parts more than others,” Adinal admitted; the smile that tugged at Zalel’s lips melted away Adinal’s anxiety when his dimples appeared, just for an instant. “I don’t expect you to do anythin’ fer me. All I want is to make you feel good.”

“Didn’t think the day would come when  _ you _ accuse me of laziness,” Zalel said. “I  _ can’t _ not do anythin’, Adinal, doin’ nothin’ is the hardest thing in the world.”

“I didn’t call you lazy! I just meant you don’t hafta—”

“Adinal.” Adinal pressed his lips together, and Zalel leaned in to kiss the thin line of them. “When have you  _ ever _ showed me how to do somethin’ that I didn’t immediately try myself?”

“...oh,” Adinal said.

“ _ ‘Specially _ somethin’ enjoyable.”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Make you a deal,” Zalel said.

Adinal gulped. “Yeah?”

“You can do whatever you want to me, but I’m gonna do all of it back to you.”

“ _ Deal _ ,” Adinal said, and kissed Zalel desperately, one hand threading through his hair to tip his head slightly to make it easier to show every bit of the passion Adinal had been afraid to unleash before. “Your mouth…” he breathed, lips still brushing against Zalel’s, not wanting to part even an inch.

“What about it?” Zalel asked.

“It’s my favorite mouth in the world,” Adinal said, and kissed him again with all that hunger on display. “Your lips are…” 

“ _ What _ ?”

“So kissable.”

“What does that even  _ mean _ ?” 

“Don’t listen to me, darlin’, I’m dumbstruck,” Adinal said apologetically. “I think so many stupid sappy things about you an’ they’re all comin’ outta my mouth sooner or later. Pay me no mind.”

“You’re jokin’ if you think I can,” Zalel said. “Try one that makes more sense, if you got so many of ‘em.”

“Don’t  _ encourage  _ me,” Adinal said.

“Again, when  _ don’t _ I?” Zalel reached up to catch Adinal’s face between his palms and said, “Wait, I should say somethin’ dumb an’ sappy back to you now, huh? Um…” His brows knit slightly as he studied Adinal’s startled expression. “It makes me happy that you’re the first an’ last person I see every day, now,” he said in a soft, achingly sincere voice.

“That’s not dumb,” Adinal whispered, “you absolute treasure.”

The wind howled louder, the pines creaked, and the shutters on the post office rattled loudly despite the snow driven into their surfaces. There was no chance whatsoever that anything happening inside the cabin could be overheard when they were murmuring endearments back and forth between kisses; even when Adinal pressed Zalel back against the bearskin to bare his skin in the firelight and coaxed cries of pleasure from him with strong, steady hands, the fury of the storm gave him nothing to fear in the moment, no reason to stifle any reactions this one precious time.

Zalel adhered to the deal with his typical insistence on justice; every thing Adinal had done to him, he did back, albeit not in the same order, much interspersed with extra kisses all over the scars and marks on Adinal’s skin that Adinal had done his best to keep Zalel from seeing all this time but couldn’t hide any longer. Even with the storm raging outside to protect them from the world, Adinal’s experiences couldn’t be brushed aside, his justifiable fears firmly in place, but he held Zalel’s hand to his mouth to catch the soft sounds he couldn’t help making when Zalel’s other hand stroked him over the edge.

They built up the fire before retiring to one bed. Only behind a locked door did Adinal feel secure enough to request the kind of closeness that could stave off his nightmares, once he had realized that Zalel’s embrace had that power over him; this stormblown cabin afforded them a completeness of privacy neither of them had experienced before, the freedom to sleep entirely tangled up in each other’s limbs.

Morning found the cabin door opened onto a snowbank that covered the top sill. They closed it, locked it, barred it again, and went back to bed together to see about another couple of those thousand ways to touch each other.

Facedown on the bed, Adinal rested his head on his crossed arms and sighed deeply as Zalel’s hands rubbed his back and fingers catalogued his scars, the gentlest touches against his ravaged skin. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“That was a question,” Adinal mumbled into his forearm, and then lifted his head slightly. “You gonna ask how I got all these?”

“Yeah,” Zalel said. “You don’t hafta tell me today, if you really don’t wanna. But I ain’t asked yet, an’ I’m askin’ now.” Two fingers brushed the side of Adinal’s neck, a careful touch to the marks that had caught Zalel’s eye the very first time he’d seen them, stitching up Adinal’s bullet wound. “Someone try to hang you?”

“The word you’re lookin’ fer is lynch,” Adinal said, “they tried to lynch me, an’ almost succeeded.” He tried to keep the weariness out of his voice. Zalel had done him the favor of not asking until now; it was Adinal’s own fault that he still didn’t have an answer prepared for the inevitable question. If he could have made himself think about it, he might have found some graceful way to recall his brush with death, but he’d shoved the memories down beneath the happiness he’d found with Zalel, and the tale was going to make its way out of him rough and unvarnished, full of knots and splinters since he’d declined to sand it down.

“What happened?”

“I was indiscreet,” Adinal said. “I was an idiot kid, ‘bout the age you are now, stupid in love with the son of the town doctor. I thought we was friends… I thought we could be more’n friends.” He shook his head. “Tried to kiss him one day, tell him how I felt. He punched me an’ ran off, I figured we weren’t friends any more. Two days later I was walkin’ home at dusk, him an’ five other guys grabbed me, hauled me out past the town limits.” 

When Adinal hesitated, Zalel didn’t press, just ran his gentle hands up and down Adinal’s back, trying to soothe him without words. It took a very long moment for Adinal to steel himself to go on. 

“Shoulda known better than to kiss a white boy. I knew what happened to boys like me who kissed white girls… don’t know why I thought any different might happen when it weren’t a girl I wanted to kiss. I was sure I was gonna die. I  _ wanted _ to die, truth be told. When I saw the hate in his eyes, the rage they all felt toward me, heard the things they said to me, ‘cause of the love I felt… I wished I could die right then, ‘fore they started to hurt me. But I didn’t. I felt all of it.” Adinal shivered when he felt Zalel’s lips on his back, kissing across his scars as if he could erase the memory of Adinal’s pain. “I didn’t have any fight left in me by the time they strung me up. Couldn’t even turn my head to try to keep the noose off me. Only thing I could do was close my eyes. So I did.”

“How’d you survive?” Zalel’s voice cracked on the question. 

Adinal realized with a jolt that Zalel was crying, brought to tears by Adinal’s words; he reached back blindly until his fingers found Zalel’s hair, trying to soothe him back. “Happenstance and good aim,” he said. “Had they brought me to the oak, you’d never have met me, but they took me to the hickory, an’ someone rode past who took offense at witnessin’ a murder, an’ shot the rope. My eyes were closed, all I could hear was my own heartbeat… then I hit the ground, then my head hit the ground.”

“What happened then?”

“Then I almost died again when my good Samaritan tried to bring me to the doctor who was the father of the boy who tried to kill me,” Adinal said. “Came to slung over the back of his horse, begged him to bring me home instead.”

“Who tended your wounds?” Zalel asked, and spread one hand over the worst-marked part of Adinal’s back. “They didn’t do it well.”

“No. Mama never was much good at mendin’ anythin’. But she kept me alive an’ safe ‘til I was whole enough to leave. Soon’s I could, I rode west, crossed the river into Saint Denis, never looked back.”

“Is that the reason you didn’t want me usin’ the word  _ love _ , before?”

“Don’t you  _ ever _ tell anyone you love me,” Adinal said, voice gone harsh with fear at the thought of it. “Won’t do a thing but put a target on yer back. You can say care, if yer careful who you say it to. But don’t ever say love.”

Zalel shifted on the bed beside Adinal and nudged him. “Look at me.” When Adinal turned his head, he met watery blue eyes and the most determined expression he’d ever seen on Zalel’s face. “I love you. I do. If you won’t let me tell anyone else, I’m gonna tell you, an’ you can’t stop me.”

“Oh, darlin’...” He’d tried so hard to hold them back, but the sight of Zalel’s tears and the vehemence of his words broke the dam, and all Adinal could do was cry.

“Shh, shh, c’mere…” Zalel gathered Adinal into his arms and held on tight, one hand curled warm and firm over the back of Adinal’s neck as Adinal sobbed into his bare shoulder. “I love you,” he breathed, “I’m so sorry that happened to you, but I’m so glad you’re alive, Adinal, I’m so glad we met, I’m so glad to be right here with you, snowed in like this, holdin’ you just like this.”

The problem Adinal had with crying was that it was a thing he couldn’t let himself do, so when he did it, there were months if not years of tears deferred until they tore through him like a natural disaster and left him feeling wrecked and empty in their wake. But he hadn’t been consoled through his tears since he’d been a child. Zalel never let go, or stopped whispering words of love interspersed with kisses pressed into Adinal’s hair, and after an amount of time that felt like months but was likely merely minutes, there were no tears left in Adinal, nothing left but his heaving breath slowly coming back to normal, guided by Zalel’s deep, obvious breaths leading him back to peace, until they were breathing in unison.

“You… you did what I said you couldn’t do,” Adinal said, lips brushing Zalel’s neck. Zalel gasped, ready to apologize for his transgression, when Adinal went on, “You… patted my forelock an’ whispered somethin’ in my ear an’ drove the demons away.”

“Ain’t that simple,” Zalel said. When Adinal finally lifted his head to look at Zalel, he found tear tracks down those freckled cheeks, and reached up to brush a thumb under one blue eye. “Is it?”

“It just might be. Yer somethin’ else, Zalel. I ain’t got words good enough to say what you are.”

“I’m nothin’ special,” Zalel averred. 

“No, darlin’, you  _ are _ special, you are a very talented man, an’ I’m blessed past the tellin’ of it to be loved by you.” Zalel stared at him, wide-eyed and expectant, until Adinal added, “I love you, too. If that ain’t more’n clear.”

“Nice to hear, though,” Zalel said, dimples making their appearance.

“Oh, Zalel, I loved you practically from the day we met. I didn’t stand a chance against yer sweetness. But you see why I was never gonna tell you.”

“I just had to tell you first,” Zalel said. “An’ I’m sorry, but I’m gonna keep tellin’ you.”

“Only behind closed doors,” Adinal said intently. “Don’t tell me where anyone might hear.”

“No one can hear us now,” Zalel said. “An’ it makes me giddy to say it aloud. I love you, Adinal, I love you so much, I love goin’ places with you an’ learnin’ things from you an’ bein’ with you no matter what we’re doin’.” He leaned forward to catch Adinal’s lips, tasting their tears until the salt was gone and all that remained was the sweetness between them. “Let’s do somethin’ else new,” he added in a warm, eager murmur, and beamed up at Adinal when Adinal gently pressed him onto his back and started making good on his promise to kiss every freckle he could find.


	6. Epilogue: Posted from Manzanita Post to Loratoris Ranch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zalel's missive home.

_Dear Ma and Pa,_

_I know that you told me to come back once I had done a few things, but I’ve discovered that I greatly enjoy doing things, and would like to keep doing them for a while. Marshal Webster has offered to deputize me and I believe I should accept. The two of us make a good team, his company is quite agreeable to me. I think that between us we should make a real difference in the comportment of the law in these parts._

_I promise to come home next time we are back in New Austin, but we intend to head east from here once we finish our business in Tall Trees. Adinal swears I will love the flora in Lemoyne, though he’s less certain about the fauna. I mean to bring home some new flowers for Ma’s garden once I’ve collected a few good ones._

_Thank you for letting me go off into the world. And thank you for giving me the Schofield. As long as I have a trusty gun and a trusty companion and a home to come back to I know I will be alright._

_Next you see me, I will have many stories and much else to tell you. Please don’t worry about me. I haven’t ever been this happy before._

_With love, your devoted son,_ _  
_ _Zalel Loratoris_


End file.
